i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
