I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
