yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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