girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
