We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
