I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
