..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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