the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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