NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
