I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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