and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
