my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
