the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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