Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
