I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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