you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
