thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
