Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
