That's when you crack a 10am beer
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
