god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
