Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
