I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
