I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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