Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
