white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
BRING THE BAGELS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
