I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If that was your dad, he is hot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
