You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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