Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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