terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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