what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
