this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
