and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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