I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
