She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
