just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
