I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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