Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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