you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
