So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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