Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
