Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
