i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
