she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
