this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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