Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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