So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
