So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
