The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
