you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
