i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
