I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
