wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
