Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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