I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
