why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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